Discovering Self Care
December 3, 2017
Discovering Self Care
By Jordana Jyoti Goldstein
It was 1998, and one of my darkest hours. I was in India, at my Sivananda Yoga Teacher Training, when I was given the spiritual name Jyoti, meaning light. At the time I had no idea why, and I clearly thought they made a mistake. Sadly, I forged on with the monotony of building someone else’s life, for lack of courage to build my own.
Fast forward 10 years and the humongous jolt of seven Spiritual Emergencies later… I finally emerged out of the dark night of the soul, with a channeled mission to spread the light and Jyoti started to peak her way out. I felt the urge to connect people, including myself, with Spirit… But who was I? And where to start?? This was no small potato!
And then it came to me….
If I cared for myself, then wouldn’t it bring others to care for me? And most importantly Spirit? Then maybe we would all be more connected.
But I saw that self care wasn’t so easy.
The biggest problem I had in integrating CARE into my life, was applying it to myself. And the mirror I had around me, clearly showed I wasn’t getting the job done. The mirror was of the SUPER moms, and the SUPER iaia’s (grandmothers) of Spain. At first I was so impressed with them, I had never seen anything like it. They were amazing at covering all of the bases, running around, caring for their kings, their princes, and their princesses, as they called them, not leaving a single stone unturned. But there was something that took me a good few years to realize, which was at the end of the day these women were completely destroyed, stressed out, with tons of aches and pains, and left with a dwindling tank of gas.
But how did this mirror apply to me, I questioned?
I was definitely not a super mom! On the contrary, more often than not, I felt I had no idea what I was doing. But in other aspects of my life it was always easier for me to focus on caring for others, to heal others, to give to others, especially in my work as a healer. I vibrated with that, I wanted that…and so Spirit gave me more and more people in need, people that I could care for, and people in need of healing. Until I too, was tapped out, with only my own energy to run on. That was when my body cried out in pain, screaming at me to wake up and listen, and there it was, my reflection, clear as day, in the mirror of super moms and iaia’s.
But I ran in the opposite direction, searching outside of myself, like most of us do, thinking it was the food, the water, the pollution, lack of exercise, whatever, that was causing the pain. Years later and tons of money down the drain on diets, supplements, classes, and treatments, I finally realized it was ME! I needed to care for ME FIRST, to heal me, to transform me, and in turn transform the mirrors around me.
Where was I when the flight attendants told me I had to put my oxygen mask on first? Clearly, not listening…hahaha.
So I began my journey of self care. Taking time for myself every day, in whatever way was called for. Each day was a new creation and I could manifest self care however I chose. There were no rules to the game, I JUST had to DO IT in thought, word, and deed, intention put into action. Actions like walking on the beach, balancing my bank accounts, reupholstering my massage table, updating my website, meeting friends, cleaning my apartment…it didn’t matter, as long as the acts came from an intention of self care, daily, and over a long period of time, I was doing it.
It’s taken a long time for me to brush the surface of integrating self care into my daily life. But it’s been well worth the effort to see that I need to put myself first, that chores aren’t just chores, but actually actions of self care if I can just perceive them that way, and perception does go a long way when performed with intention. The mirrors still serve me well to keep me on my toes, like when my Dad, the king of self neglect, pops into my life, and I see it as a warning sign that I may be falling into old habits. But I am encouraged, because I am starting to see glimpses that my self care vibes are catching on, as new mirrors appear in my reality like my sister donating her graphic design prowess to all of my causes, my teenage son making me French toast in bed, and Spirit bringing me incredible people and experiences into my life.
Today, I am consciously creating this garden of self care. I started with the seed of intention, and through daily practice, action, and experience over time, self care has helped me to come closer to myself, to value and love myself, as I do when I care for others. And as I care for myself, I can feel more the care that comes from Spirit, energizing me with an endless fuel that feeds my soul.
So, back to Jyoti, and my mission to spread the light. In the end, maybe it’s just about finding my own light within and shining it on myself, so I can see that my daily life is actually one long act of kindness to myself when I connect with the intention of SELF CARE. And it is through this awareness that I spread my light and transform my reality. I laugh to myself, as a smile comes to my face, from deep within, memories swirling in my head of my dance teacher, the great Jennifer Muller, stopping me in my tracks a gazillion times in class just to scream “what’s your intention Jordana!!” Well Jennifer, I finally have your answer…Intention is EVERYTHING, and everything is self care if I perceive it that way!”
In love and light! Blessings,
Jordana 🙂 xo